Strong Enough

She stood where millions like her had stood before. She was faced with a multitude of options, none of them guaranteed to work. At each road stood a person she loved, persuading her to follow them. But what she was really looking for was the road where she would find herself. For that would be the guiding light in times of despair. If she ignored that light and followed in the shadows of another, she would effectively be negating the existence of herself and her happiness. (Whatever that meant; she hadn't seen too much of it in recent times.) But first she needed to know who she was, what she wanted to be, how she wanted to live. And that was where she was stumped. Stymied. No way out. Too intelligent to believe that Mammon led the way, too weak to give herself up completely to ideology. Practical enough to see that if faced with a choice between moderate mediocrity and extreme brilliance, she would pick the former nine times out of ten. But that tenth time was still a very real option. The further she pushed her decision, the closer the forces of the world that dragged her into their shallow materialism. Was she strong enough to resist? Only time would tell. And by then, she would have lived with her choice for many, many years.

Transformation...

Its been 4 months since I got sloshed out of my head. A month since I touched any alcohol at all. Haven't smoked up in ages. Am I growing old? Suddenly, its the responsibilities of life that seem to have taken centre stage. I'm no longer the wildest one. It's been hard reconciling myself to the changes, but its getting a lot harder to get the people I was close to then to understand that I have changed. Somehow, they get pissed off when I decide to pass up an orgy for a book.

So am I an adult now? Why is life even more confusing then? A year ago, I didn't think further than the next "session". Now, all I do is think. Think about my future. Think about my life. It feels like I've wasted myself, these few years, but I wonder if I would have got to this point without those experiences behind me.

....And I'm still confused....

After a long time...

It's been a while since I blogged and I decided to see if they had taken it down or something. This is just a test blog. Real updates coming soon.

Idiots!

'Don't argue with idiots. They will take you down to their level and beat you with experience.'

A truer quote I haven't see in recent times...

Your body, your business...

I don't get what the big fuss is about the college kids who rented out a part of their bodies as advertising space.

Why is it considered so demeaning to "sell" your body? Even prostitutes are treated like heretics. I mean, why does society have a particular "moral" code that everyone is automatically expected to follow? What is morality and ethics anyway? I always thought that they were guidelines to enable the lowest common denominator to live comfortably. But that's the problem. Since it assumes that the human race is basically incapable of rational thought, it imposes a bunch of rules that are downright stupid to anybody who manages to rise above the majority.

Coming back to the point, why is your body considered an inviolable object? I wonder what is more valuable - the body or the intellect. I mean, if you sell your brain to Microsoft for a ton of money every month, you have everyone singing your praise, but if you sell your body for sex, you're an amoral hussy who deserves to be lynched! When somebody says that "The Body is a Temple", don't they mean that it is a shrine to that which is inside - the mind?

People who denounce prostitution in principle are just insecure. They don't want to face up to the fact that some people consider their body a good enough asset to make money out of. Its either that or they value the body more than the mind, which places them a lot lower on the evolutionary scale than amoeba.

The millionaire loser

So you own the latest iPod, a plasma display TV and a 5-series Beemer your dad worked his ass off to pay for. You work out 3 hours a day with a personal trainer for that perfectly toned body. Ever wonder why the Maruti 800 driving call centre employee gets laid more often than you do?
His body is not made to order - it comes out of physical effort and toil; to pay his phone bill, to send his sister to a decent college, to give his mother a comfortable life. Every inch of his house is his alone - paid for with his sweat.
He doesn't own the latest gadgets because he doesn't need them. He doesn't eat out at fabulous restaurants every evening because he makes a mean chicken curry himself. He knows what he wants and to hell with the rat race.

You need to buy your girls. Women die to be with him.

You know what he really has that you don't? Himself.

An attempt at Self-Expression

Through language we express what we "feel" and "think". We somehow make them more tangible; we can almost reach out and touch somebody else's thoughts when they speak or write them out.

But does language serve to reveal or conceal? The second something comes out, it takes a form that can never be the same as ethereal thought. When I write a blog, it doesn't wholly capture what I want to say. And when you assume that what I have written is what I am thinking, you are seeing what is easiest for you to see. Like the 3 blind men who "saw" an elephant through the parts they felt. So one thought it looked like a rope, another a tree trunk and the third a wall. All three were correct based on what they touched, but didn't realise that there was a lot more to the elephant than they understood.

And so I conclude another attempt at self-expression, and having fallen way short of my mark, I leave you to try and figure out what I am really trying to say. Of course, you don't know me, so thats impossible. And hell, even I barely know what I'm really trying to say.

Does it really matter?

Nobody knows what reality is. Reality as we know it is what we perceive of it. Therefore it becomes perception - Virtual Reality. There has to be another way of knowing reality without going through the regular organs of perception, since they colour anything they touch. And then there's Schrodinger's Experiment. Loosely, it involved putting a cat in a closed box with some poison. Either the cat dies or it lives. Theres a 50-50 possibility. But, if we open the box we change the parameters, since, if the cat is alive it might have died in that instant, and if the cat is dead, the process of opening the box might have triggered a change in the environment, causing it to consume the poison. So is the cat dead or alive? We have no way of finding out. The cat is. Thats all. Similarly, when we attempt to understand something, we change it by that very act. This means that if there is something in the world that is Absolute, we have no way of finding out, at least as long as we are human. There is no Beyond for humans. The Seeker just goes a long way and comes back where he started. The non-Seeker goes a long way and comes back where he started.I'm assuming that what all this means is that, since we are inconsequential in the grander scheme of things (if there is one), human life is meaningless. We live, we consume energy and we die. That energy goes somewhere else. We are all little pieces of shit. Perhaps even less.